Posted by crishia at 02:50 AM on February 5, 2005 as a stickied post.
MY LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE ANYTHING BUT NORMAL...
my anything but a normal life
February 5th, 2005
March 29th, 2005
Posted by crishia at 03:57 AM on March 29, 2005 as a favorite post.
As a young child, I used to envy my sister Patricia. I was always behind her shadows. Mom and Dad always had their eyes on her. Everybody had their eyes on her. Her song and dance act was always the highlight of the party. Even in the schools we've attended to, a play or a program is never complete without her.While she was busy minggling with the kids on the playground, you can find me behind books near the back of the library. While she was busy entertaining everyone with her childish stories, I just sat in a corner listening to the stories i made in my mind. She was the attentive one in class. Always the first to raise her hand to answer questions. I, on the other hand, go to school for the sake of going. My classes just bore me. The lessons I've already read from the books in the library.
I grew up na lahat na lang si Tricia, si Tricia, si Tricia! She was my parents' little princess. There was never a Crish. I was better known as Tricia's sister.
I was 7 years old. My parents have just broken up. It was the morning Mommy and Tricia left for the US. I went inside Daddy's room and saw him crying. The very first time I ever saw him cry. I asked him to stop but he just kept on repeating "They left me... what am I supposed to do now?" Secretly, I cried too. Why did he say "me" and not "us"? Am I not in this family, too?
During those days, I've seen the Dad that I've never seen before. Malungkutin... tulala... di makausap. At a very young age, I seem to understand what he was going through. Why? Because that was what I was feeling too for a long time now. He longed for Mommy and Tricia who were far away. I longed for him eventhough he was just in front of me.
Early morning of my 8th birthday. Yaya and the driver brought me to the church. They bought me a pink balloon. I felt happy. When we got home, Mommy called and greeted me on the phone. I felt happy. Abuelita called to greet me. She's coming over by dinner and she's gonna be bringing cake and ice cream. I felt happy.
I went inside Daddy's room. He was just lying on bed doing nothing. I sat beside him and asked if he knew what day it was. "It's Wednesday today. Aren't you supposed to be in school?" Dad replied. Of course I knew it was Wednesday and there's no school bcoz of sem break. Until today, I never forgot that feeling of like being stabbed in the heart when I heard what he said. For heaven's sake, there I was, holding my pink balloon with a big Happy Birthday printed on it. He forgot about my birthday. No! He forgot about me. "Why does it always have to be Mom and Tricia? What about me, Daddy? When will you ever see me?" The very first time I shouted at him. I was angry. I just stayed in my room the whole day. Yaya coming in every now and then.
I had my balloon. I had my cake. I had my ice cream. But I want my Dad.
It wasnt until late that night that he finally came in my room. "I'm sorry, my baby. I didn't mean to hurt you. I promise, from now on, I will never let you out of my sight. Daddy loves you very much."
From then on, Dad and I were inseparable. I am his life. I am Daddy's only little princess.
Not until now though... All I wanted to point out was Im already 26. Yes, I acknowledge the fact that I will always be his little princess but that doesnt mean I don't have a life of my own. I know he wants to protect me from all the hurt in this world, but I'd very much like to experience how those are in order to learn to stand on my own.
I dont like what's happening now. I want my Dad back. I want to talk to him again. I miss him very much.
March 23rd, 2005
March 16th, 2005
To Those I Love
Posted by crishia at 04:32 AM on March 16, 2005.
If I should ever leave you,Whom I love
To go along the silent way. . .
Grieve not.
Nor speak of me with tears.
But laugh and talk of me
As if I were beside you there.
(I'd come. . .I'd come,
Could I but find a way!
But would not tears and
And grief be barriers?)
And when you hear a song
Or see a bird I loved,
Please do not let the thought of me
Be sad. . .for I am loving you
Just as I always have. . .
You were so good to me!
There are so many things
I wanted still to do. . .
So many things I wanted to say
to you. . . Remember that
I did not fear. . . It was
Just leaving you
That was so hard to face.
We cannot see beyond. . .
But this I know:
I loved you so. . .
'twas heaven here with you
by Isla Paschal Richardson.
Read by Gregory Peck at Frank Sinatra's funeral, 1998
Posted by crishia at 04:25 AM on March 16, 2005.
Don"t cry for me when im goneKeep the faith and be strong
cause through it all i have been blessed
And i passed the test
So when you look up in the sky on a sunny day
Imagine me drifting away
you will find me sailing the ships of Heaven
Waiting for the day i come back sailing for you
Remember all the good times we had
Some were great
and some were sad
But you will know in the end
Our Love was stronger than when we began
No unforgiven sins and regrets
Just the times of our lives
that we will never forget.
March 15th, 2005
Habang May Buhay
Posted by crishia at 01:30 AM on March 15, 2005.
Habang May Buhay
by After Image
Nais kong mabuhay sa haba ng panahon
Kung ito'y lilipas na ika'y kapiling ko
Ang aking buhay, ang aking buhay
Sa 'yo'y ibibigay.
Tangi kong panalangin ay pagsamo mo
Kailanma'y di magmamaliw ang apoy sa puso ko
Habang may buhay, habang may buhay
Hangga't ang dugo ko ay dumadaloy
Sa 'yo lamang iaalay
Ang aking buhay, ang aking buhay
Sa 'yo'y ibibigay.
At kung tayo'y magwawalay ako'y mabibigo
Di na nanaisin pang ituloy ang buhay ko
Ibig kong malaman mo
Hanggang sa dulo ng mundo
Ang pangarap ko'y sa 'yo.
Ang aking buhay, ang aking buhay
Sa 'yo'y (sa 'yo'y) ibibigay.
Before I Let You Go
Posted by crishia at 01:06 AM on March 15, 2005.
Before I Let You Go
by Freestyle
I can still remember yesterday
We were so in love in a special way
And knowing that you loved me
Made me feel, oh so right
But now, I feel lost
Don't know what to do
Each and every day I think of you
Holdin' back the tears,
I'm trying with all my might
Refrain:
Because you're gone and left me standing
All alone
And I know I've got to face tomorrow
On my own...
But baby...
Chorus:
Before I let you go
I want to say,"I love you"
I hope that you're list'nin'
'Coz it's true, baby
You'll be forever in my heart
And I know that no one else will do
So before I let you go
I want to say it..."I love you"
I wish that it could be just like before
I know I could've given you so much more
Even though you know
I'd given you all my love
I miss your smile,
I miss your kiss
Each and everyday I reminisce
'Coz baby it's you
That I'm always dreamin' of...
Refrain:
Because you're gone and left me standing
All alone
And I know I've got to face tomorrow
On my own...
But baby...
Chorus:
Before I let you go
I want to say,"I love you"
I hope that you're list'nin'
'Coz it's true, baby
You'll be forever in my heart
And I know that no one else will do
So before I let you go
I want to say it..."I love you"
Bridge:
Letting love go
Is never easy
But I love you so
That's why I set you free
I know someday
Somehow I'll find a way
To leave it all behind me
Guess it wasn't meant to be
But baby...
Chorus:
Before I let you go
I want to say,"I love you"
I hope that you're list'nin'
'Coz it's true, baby
You'll be forever in my heart
And I know that no one else will do
So before I let you go
I want to say it..."I love you"
-------------------
I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, KENNETH RUELAN!!!
Please, please, please... love me too