Entries for January, 2005
January 29th, 2005
losing my battle
Posted by crishia at 02:54 AM on January 29, 2005.
K called. Had second thoughts whether to answer or not. I picked it up anyways. I miss him too much.
As expected, he just asked what time ako dadating so he can make sundo. He didnt even bother to ask how am i or where im at. Told him na i cant make it on a Saturday so maybe ill go on Sunday instead. Told me to just call or text if magpapasundo na ako. And thats about it...
K wanted to go na but i tried to prolong the conversation. Honestly, his was the only voice that matters to me right now!
In my desparate attempt to keep the conversation going, i told K that ive been here since wednesday night and nobody has visited me ever since. I know... I know... Ang babaw ko talaga noh? I wanted to get sympathy from him. But all i got was a "deadma" lang. (Kakainis!) Cant help but cry again, so i told him na ill go na lang. Ok lang ang nasabi nya.
I kept my silence hoping na makarinig man lang ako ng pakunswelo de bobong "I love you" bago man lang nya ibaba ang phone. He never did! Ang sakit!
I am losing this battle...
Nothing new
Posted by crishia at 03:13 AM on January 29, 2005.
Not too thrilled for later. Had to go for check-ups again. Been having plenty lately. Kakainis! ngayon pa na kakarampot na lang ang pera ko. Not everything naman kasi is covered by the health insurance.
Im having a hard time sleeping. Feeling ko nasusuka ako. Had to take in double dosage. My headache is killing me!
It's Unfair!
Posted by crishia at 03:22 AM on January 29, 2005.
Just got back from the hospital. Ang sakit na naman ng katawan ko. Palagi na lang ganito. Nanlulumo ako everytime na galing ako ospital. Naa-attract ko siguro all the bad vibes doon.
Anyways, i wanted to eat some "real food" for lunch. Been itching to swipe the credit card for something fancy. kaya lang, naisip ko ang monthly bill. I have to save money for more important expenses. So, balik noodles na naman ako.
Sigh! Life can be so unfair...
numb to pain
Posted by crishia at 03:38 AM on January 29, 2005.
I admitted myself last night. Was afraid id get dehydrated from puking too much. Buti na lang it stopped na but the feeling of wanting to puke is still there. The nurse said i have a high fever daw. Di ko ma-feel. I guess, im feeling numb na. High on drugs na ata ako.
The doctor wont allow me to go home.
At least i wont be having noodles today. I have a feeling im beginning to like hospital food!
Alone and Tired
Posted by crishia at 03:48 AM on January 29, 2005.
2 people texted. 1 even called. Di ko sinagot. Didnt want to let people know kung nasaan ako.
I was able to sleep the whole afternoon. kaya lang when i woke up, parang iba ang feeling.
I felt lonely... really lonely... (ow ow im sinking into depression again)
Too many questions in my mind.
Di ko maubos isipin na bakit nakaya ni dad na tikisin ako. Ganun ba kalaki ang nagawa kong pagkakamali? (I just wanted him to realize im a grown up na... na di na ako si Baby Crissie)
Si K naman... didnt even bother to check if im still alive. Now im beginning to think na wala na talaga siyang naiwan na kahit na katiting man lang na love for me.
Im too tired of crying...
chaos in my mind
Posted by crishia at 04:11 AM on January 29, 2005.
I woke up still feeling weak. The doctor made his rounds. I asked if i could go home today. Im still under observation pa daw. That means it's a no. Sigh!
Sabi ni Doc na he called Dad (friends sila ng dad ko kaya) Sabi raw kasi ng mga nurses that i didnt have a single dalaw since i got in. (tsismosa talaga these people) Anyways, my dad said daw sa kanya na ill be fine lang daw. That means i wont be seeing him around here. He sure is angry for me to deserve this.
Eh ano kung walang akong dalaw... The tsismosa nurses keep me company naman ah. Sa room ko nga sila nakikinood ng tv eh.
Isa lang naman gusto ko sana. I wanna go out na. Im excited to go home to cebu and see K. Kaya lang, i have my apprehensions din. Oo nga, id get to see K pero at the same time we have to say our goodbyes too. 2 years na sana kami this sunday. Kakainis noh? January 30, 2003 when we finally both agreed to be more than just best friends. January 30 din (if matutuloy) magkikita kami to formally put an end to all these.
Gusto ko na atang magback-out just thinking about it. Gagastosan ko ng airfare para maging pormal ang break-up. Nahihibang na ata ako. Kahit man lang sana we'd go back to being friends, kaso sabi nya that will never happen daw coz mahihirapan lang kami pareho. bat yong ibang friends ko, kaibigan pa rin naman nila ang mga naging ex nila ah...
Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!
Why does it have to be like this?